Given that I’m engaged to be married… again… I realized that unless drastic measures are taken, we’re going to be stuck with the task of writing all those thank-you notes… again. Sometimes there are gifts that are just so, erm, unique, that it’s hard to muster up the proper appreciation, especially when it’s the 53rd thank-you note you’ve written that day.
So here’s the game. Write a short (portion of a) thank-you note for either a gift that is totally unique or one that somehow just doesn’t float your boat. Keep it clean and family-friendly please (bleep yourself, if you need to, so we stay PG-13 or better), but have fun!
Leave your thank-yous in the comments on this page, and be sure to check back and vote for the best ones!
Dear Aunt Suzy,
I never imagined being lucky enough to have separate garlic presses for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But thanks to you, now I know how that feels!
Love,
warriormare
By: warriormare on April 2, 2008
at 1:12 pm
Dear Uncle Buck,
Thank you so very much for the amazing purple-and-orange-striped bath towels. I will think of you fondly whenever the cat yaks up a hairball.
Yours truly,
warriormare
By: warriormare on April 2, 2008
at 1:13 pm
thank you so much for the flourescent green birdfeeder I received for my 40th birthday. I always enjoy interesting items for my garden and I think this is one of the “most” unique ones yet.
By: Em on April 2, 2008
at 7:34 pm
Thanks so much for giving us a lovely variety of “gourmet” groceries and the interesting cookbook, “Cooking on your Engine Block.” I am sure that following your circled recipes will help make the drive home from our honeymoon a memorable one! Thanks for this very special gift!
By: Deb on April 3, 2008
at 2:43 pm
Thank you for the hand-stitched pillow you made for our 25th wedding anniversary. I don’t think I have ever seen one like it. We were especially intrigued by your original design that incorporates sticks and leaves in the stitching. Please let us know when you get your final parole hearing!
By: Deb on April 3, 2008
at 2:47 pm
Dear Mom,
Thank you for bearing me in your body for nine long months and enduring twenty-six hours of great pain to bring me into the world.
I’m so sorry I won’t be home for Mother’s Day this year. I’ve eloped. With another man.
Hope all is well with Dad.
Love,
Junior
By: warriormare on April 3, 2008
at 3:08 pm
Dear Mom,
Thank you for the velvet Christmas party dress. I’m sure it will be a lovely decoration on the sailboat while we spend that time in Tahiti.
I hope you like the coconut shell bowls I sent for the Thanksgiving Dinner at South Forty Plantation.
Love,
Sueanne
By: sharecropper on April 3, 2008
at 6:35 pm
Dear Aunt Sally,
I share your disappointment that you couldn’t be here for Suzy’s sixteenth birthday. It was kind of you to send a gift, but are you sure that a rabbit vibe was the best choice for a sixteen-year-old girl? I’m a little concerned about the message this sends to my daughter, especially after watching her friends laugh at her crimson face when she opened the Winnie-the-Pooh wrapping paper to find… that. I’ve taken it away at least until she goes away to university. In the meantime, for Christmas, I recommend a gift card to Abercrombie & Fitch.
All my love,
Margie
By: warriormare on April 7, 2008
at 12:53 pm
Your majesties,
What on earth possessed you to bring frankincense and myrrh as baby shower gifts? The gold has been really handy – thank you to whoever had that idea! – but do you really think we’re going to burn incense with a little baby around? Or scent his linens with ointments for dead bodies? You’re out of your skulls.
Hope your appointment with Herod went well.
Thanks anyway,
Joseph
By: warriormare on April 7, 2008
at 12:55 pm
Dear Joseph,
I hope this letter reaches you in Arimathea. Thank you very much for the tomb you so graciously gave to us for my son Yeshua. However, his body has since disappeared, so the tomb is empty again. You’re welcome to take it back for your own future needs. There is a rather frightening angel still standing outside, telling everyone that the tomb is empty, but if you just say, “I know, piss off,” he will leave you alone. I’m not sure how long he’ll hang around, but hopefully he’ll be gone by the time you need the space.
Warm regards,
Mary
By: warriormare on April 7, 2008
at 1:00 pm
Dear God,
It’s very nice that you’ve allowed me to become pregnant after so many years. But, you know, Lord, there’s a reason 80-year-old women don’t get pregnant and have babies. You think you could do something about the aching joints, the indigestion, and all those damned kids on the lawn, maybe? Oh yes, and the morning sickness, too.
Much appreciated,
Sarah
By: warriormare on April 8, 2008
at 5:52 am
Dear Jesus,
It was very thoughtful of you to heal me of my blindness. However, now nobody believes me when I beg at the temple steps any more, but they won’t hire me on for real work, either. Poppa never taught me a trade, since I was a useless blind kid. So, Mister Messiah, exactly how the heck am I supposed to feed myself?
Sincerely,
Bartimaeus
By: warriormare on April 9, 2008
at 6:05 am
Dear Boss,
Thank you very much for the gift card you sent in lieu of a Christmas bonus. I’m not quite sure what to make of the fact that it is a gift card for a restaurant 100 miles from the office. Is this a hint?
Yours,
Employee
By: warriormare on April 9, 2008
at 6:12 am
Dear Joseph,
A thousand thank-yous for your invitation to join you in Egypt. I’m so glad that my favourite son has really made something of himself, when these other eleven just sit around complaining. Famine this and famine that – go get some food, you schlubs! With my aching joints, I don’t want to make that long journey, even in your golden chariot, and it looks like Canaan is starting to turn around now. Besides, there’s this whole bit about being pressed into slavery, having our children murdered by Pharaoh, and having to be set free by a stuttering prophet, only to wander in the desert for forty years. So I think I’ll decline, thank you, and stay in my comfortable home in Canaan.
But would it hurt you to come visit your mother once in a while?
All my love,
Jacob / Israel
By: warriormare on April 9, 2008
at 6:19 am
Dear Martha,
Thank you so much for your hospitality last week. The supper you prepared was marvelous, as always.
And hey – sorry about that, “Your sister has chosen the better path” crack. You know how the guys are; I had to give them a funny. Besides, I’ve tasted Mary’s cooking, and we’re ALL grateful she stayed out of the kitchen that night!
Peace,
Jesus
By: warriormare on August 12, 2008
at 8:52 am