A major weekend

Well, I did say blogging would be light last week, didn’t I? I spent three days at a program management review in Northern Virginia. This means that most of that time was in a conference room, surrounded by managers (almost all of them men), discussing things like profit & loss statements for organizational groups, and whether to take the strategic or tactical approach to the training budget for design engineers, and managing customer relationships, and utilizing and leveraging and facilitating and all that other manager stuff. πŸ™‚ Despite all that, it was a productive week, and I didn’t get too badly beaten up at my first PMR as a direct participant (rather than as a behind-the-scenes supporter, listening on the phone and quietly sending data to the participants).

Over the weekend, I had a very difficult discussion with my husband, one that has been years coming but that I haven’t had the strength and courage to initiate until now. Because he is choosing not to disclose this discussion to his family (or to our children) yet, I will refrain from going into any detail out of respect for him. But I have been profoundly thankful for the recent Friday Five on Rivers in the Desert, because it helped me take a deep look at my sources of inspiration and support, so that I could get them lined up for me for the days and weeks and months to come. Being an introvert, I’m incredibly wealthy with online support, but rather deficient when it comes to local people I can meet face-to-face.

Despite earlier misgivings about it, I went to the Palm Sunday service yesterday, but not at my home parish. Instead, I went to St. Peter’s, where I’d gone for Ash Wednesday. It was very good, and I was glad to get my fix of “All Glory, Laud, and Honor” for the year. πŸ™‚ I badly needed Eucharist, and I felt very much fed. I know we still have Holy Week ahead of us, but I’m ready to say the A-word again and to sing the Gloria again and to celebrate the Resurrection.

So today, I am thankful for supportive and inspiring people. I am thankful for finding the inner strength and courage to help me make a tough decision. I am thankful for the fun people I work with. I am thankful for the church – made up of flawed and broken humans as it is – and for the feast that is there for me whenever I am able to bring myself to the Table. I am thankful for the prayers and love of my friends. I’m thankful for the blooming cherry trees, and for my yard full of bright yellow dandelions, looking like little balls of sunshine. I’m thankful for the birds at my feeder, even this one really odd-looking one – kind of gray-brown, fuzzy, very acrobatic, with little hands, and a bushy tail. πŸ™‚ I’m thankful for beautiful music and the warm spring sun. I’m always thankful for Diet Dr Pepper. I’m thankful for sleeping with the window open, even when it gets a little chilly, and I’m thankful for thick, warm socks. I’m thankful for being able to go barefoot, and I’m thankful for slipping into a bed newly made with freshly-washed sheets. I’m thankful for grabbing my towel after a hot shower, putting it to my face, and inhaling the fresh scent.

I wish you peace and joy today, and a blessed Holy Week.

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6 thoughts on “A major weekend

  1. Oh, Hedwyg, I am so glad for you and proud of you though I know nothing is going to be easy….And so very glad that your soul was nourished yesterday with the music and the Bread of Heaven.

    We sang the A-word joyfully yesterday in a Mennonite-organized Palm Sunday Peace Parade. And do you know that the Orthodox not only use it during Lent, but in some cases do so more often then? So if your heart wants to sing it in the midst of everything I say–you go girl! And the angels will sing it with you.

    ((((((((((((you))))))))))))

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  2. Hedwyg—it was during Holy Week last year that I made an enormously difficult decision. Being in church every day that week helped to give me the strength and courage I needed to make it.

    I wish you strength and peace this week. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  3. (((Hedwyg))) Add my prayers to yours.

    Difficult family decisions suck. I think more of us look down the road you sound like you are looking down then we think. (I’ve stared down it long and hard, but, staring’s all I do about it.)

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  4. Prayers to you for the days ahead. May you find peace even in the times of turmoil and struggle…

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  5. Not only peace, but courage and the time to take care of yourself in all your busy-ness of life and work and school. Adding you to my prayers.

    In Leaving the Church, Barbara Brown Taylor quotes from an interview with Reynolds Price about mid-life traumas and says that people try to keep you together and restore you to what you were before. When instead, they should be saying, “You’re dead. Who are you going to be tomorrow?” Resurrection can only happen after dying, which is often very painful.

    Much love,

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  6. Oh, hun. *hugs you tight* I’ve been down that road — well, strictly speaking I suppose I’m going down it now, but I’m further along than you. It’s hard; it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it was necessary.

    I agree with share cropper above; it’s time to think about who you’ll be tomorrow, and in a week and a year. Not easy, no, but at the same time, a very freeing thing.

    You and your family are in my prayers.

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