Daughter: I had to get mad at someone in health class today.
Me: Why is that?
Daughter: Because he said nukular.
Me: (silently) You GO, girl!
Daughter: Apparently I’ve become the grammar nazi of the seventh grade.
Me: :Sniff!: (silently) I’ve never been so proud in my life!
A little while ago:
Daughter: I guess I’m just impulsive. Wait – what does that mean? Oh, it doesn’t matter – I just felt like saying it.
Me: (falls off of couch laughing)
Daughter: What? What does it mean?
Me: It means you just do things because you feel like it.
Daughter: (laughs, then repeats the exchange to herself so she’ll remember it)
Son: There just aren’t enough sarcastic people in the world.
Daughter: Of course there aren’t.
Monday evening, at supper:
Daughter: (keeps talking about flatulence, boogers, puking, and other unsavoury subjects for the supper table)
Me: (asks her to stop, multiple times)
Son: (asks her to stop, multiple times)
Me: (sternly) Okay, I really mean it. That is enough of the nasty stuff right now. We’re eating supper. So no more, okay?
Me: (points to the bowl of rice) Now could you please pass the maggots?
Daughter: (sprays the sip of chocolate milk she had just taken)
Son: (flees the room)