Great news… mixed emotions

So at this morning’s Physical Therapy session, my physical therapist told me again that I’m doing really well.  And I am – I’m having some twingey stuff in knee and shoulder, but that is tendinitis kind of pain that is easily manageable with ice and OTC NSAIDs.  And then he followed up with, “I think we’re done.  I’ll see you Wednesday, and then I want you to call me when you get back from your trip.  But… I don’t think I’ll need to see you again after that.”

Whoa.

I’ve been doing PT for 13 months now, the first two months at a different practice, and then 11 months with this man.  He does myofascial release work and is very good at what he does.  And he’s listened to me and the stories of my life over the last year – knowing that mind and heart can have a huge influence on body, particularly when it comes to pain – and has always made me feel better.  And now, I’m about to graduate from PT.

I guess that one indicator to me that I was just about ready for this was that I started taking myself out for walks and doing more intense activity on my own.  Last week I was looking into exercise programs to get into long-term, because I know I have to keep exercising, or I’ll be back to where I was a year ago, if not worse.  But I still wasn’t quite ready to hear this.  It seems strange to feel hesitant to fly from the nest.  After all, hasn’t this been the goal all along?  Shouldn’t I feel proud of what I’ve accomplished, with my therapist’s help, bringing my body back into shape (if still quite a round one)?

I guess this is a mark of all the transition that’s happened over the last year – of deciding to fly from the poisoned nest of a dead marriage, of deciding to fly from a church home that just wasn’t right for me, of deciding to let my voice fly in the choir, of deciding to fly into a new house that will be the home for my beloved and my children and me.  And, of course, I know that I can go back into PT any time I need to.  Heck, I can pay out of pocket if I just want his help putting together some regular therapeutic exercises to do.  It’s not like I’m leaving everything behind.  It’s just… wow.

My friends, I must thank you again for your support and prayers over the last year.  It has been hard work for the body and hard work for the mind and hard work for the spirit.  And I don’t know how I would have gotten to this point without all of you.  Peace be with you today – and know that even as broken and unlovely as you might sometimes feel, you played a part in helping me be just a little bit more whole and lovely.  You are a blessing.

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