Advice, temptation, and friendship

I was bloghopping today, and came across this wonderful post by Wormwood’s Doxy. It is a lovely piece of introspection and confession, and I know it must have been difficult to write and to publish online, even under a pseudonym. And in this post, Doxy confesses a predilection for offering opinions and advice to online friends, advice that may or may not be welcomed. I squirmed a bit at this, remembering a very honest, very forthright, and very truthful response to a post on my blog several weeks ago. And in those weeks, I’ve been thinking about what she wrote, mulling over possible responses here, realizing that my responses sounded rather defensive, and generally deciding not to say anything yet. And maybe I still shouldn’t.

But I will say this, categorically.

Doxy, I appreciate your honesty with me. I appreciate you taking the risk there, making yourself vulnerable to possible anger, defensiveness, or alienation from me. I really am taking your thoughts to heart, and considering the ideas there carefully. I am not angry with you, and I hope that my silence hasn’t felt like a rejection to you. Thank you, sister.

Also, to anyone who says (or implies) that things would be better if you’d killed yourself than if you’d left them – well, it’s just a DAMNED good thing that you’ve left them. I know a message I got 11 years ago was that no matter how desperately depressed I became, the hospital was simply not an option. So the rector of my parish at the time said, “So it’s either fail (and go to the hospital) or die (by my own hand)?” Well, yeah, that was the size of it. I did end up failing, AND attempting to die… but I failed at that, too.

There are some things in this world that it’s a good thing to be a failure at. Want to make a list?

  • … failing to die
  • … failing to subject yourself to an abusive situation that is poisoning you
  • … failing to hate
  • … failing to hold onto grudges
  • … failing to never forgive someone
  • … failing to reject your authentic self in favour of another
  • … failing to always be perfect and right
  • … failing to — well, you get the picture. Can you fill in the blank?

Hugs to you, Doxy. You deserve them.


One thought on “Advice, temptation, and friendship

  1. ((((((Hedwyg)))))))))

    You are both beautiful women whom I dearly love.

    Your responses are both well thought out and come from a place of love.

    I’m proud to call both of you my friend.


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