For all the (OTHER) election widows out there…

Maplestar is a dedicated election freak.  He loves the campaigns, the speeches, the polls, the pundits, the analyses, and especially the crunchy, yummy NUMBERS that get generated out of it all.  Right now, he’s watching TV (probably while another channel is recording election-oriented stuff on his TiVo!), reading live-twitterers from the Democratic National Convention, following at least one IRC channel, and probably streaming video to his laptop, too.  I know this, because he’s been filling me in on interesting, especially juicy, or downright funny tidbits from each medium.

So this list is for those of you out there who might have a problem.

You know you’re overdosing on election news when…..

  • … your Bloglines account (or Google reader) has quintupled in size over the last seventy-two hours, and the first convention hasn’t even started yet
  • … Twitter tells you that you can’t have any more updates, and it’s only three minutes after the hour
  • … and you’ve already stopped following your parents, your wife, your siblings, and your friends
  • … your FaceBook page features a countdown of the days until the next Iowa caucuses
  • … and the ones in 2016, too
  • … you buy another dual-tuner TiVo!, and you only have one television set
  • … or just maybe, your roommate complains that the living room looks more like the office at the Daily Show
  • … your children don’t want you to tuck them in any more
  • … because they’re tired of Obama/McCain bedtime stories
  • … the first three pages of your account are entirely devoted to campaign ads
  • … of both parties
  • … your blog has a countdown timer – accurate to the second – until the first polls open in November
  • … your girlfriend complains, “You love Michelle Obama more than you love me!”
  • … and you say “Uh huh,” as you stare at the television screen, stuffing another cheese curl into your mouth
  • … your girlfriend complains, “You love BARACK Obama more than you love me!”
  • … and you mumble “Of course, honey,” as you stare at the television screen, dipping another tortilla chip into the salsa on your lap
  • … your girlfriend complains, “You love Cindy McCain more than you love me!”
  • … and you stare at her in shock for a moment, before saying, “Well, DUUuuuuUUUUUH!  She’s RICH!”
  • … you put vodka in your parrot’s water dish so that he can play the DNC/RNC drinking game with you
  • … your dog no longer comes into the room, excitedly bearing her leash in her mouth, but now just mopes and sleeps by the front door
  • … and she won’t even eat the cheese curls that fall on the floor any more, either
  • … your children are tired of calling you The Distinguished Gentleman From Upstairs
  • … your boss calls on November 5 to ask if you’re planning to come back to work
  • … but he’s smart enough to wait until after noon, since he knows you’re sleeping off a hangover
  • … your daughter tattles on her younger brother, who claims he’s being swift-boated
  • … you didn’t even notice your birthday passing
  • … in late October
  • … even though your wife threw a surprise party, hiring a DJ and inviting all your friends
  • … and your parents went all out to buy you a jet-ski
  • … but a widescreen HDTV, that you might have noticed
  • … and you might just be overdoing that election coverage, if your friend or family member sent you here to read this list.

Hope you enjoyed!